Unlocking Potential

Nothing Extraordinary

For the large majority of my school years, I was not anything special. The good kid that never got in trouble or had terrible grades. There were times when after-school tutoring or after-school work was required to succeed. Those one-off issues were tolerable. Being called an honor's student was never a title I earned. Trying hard was a foreign and undesired concept. Nothing about me was remarkable at the time, and that was okay, I just existed. I had things at the time that made me happy. Having a personal little bubble meant that life was easy and care-free.

The future was something that had no pressing weight and had very little of my concern. There was no source of stress from not knowing what to expect from life or even what my college major should be. Why figure it out now when it can be solved later? Most problems get an answer once you wait long enough. Besides, everybody else has the same problem, right?

Once higher education entered the picture, its courses were treated with the same work ethic as I had high school classes. The first few semesters resulted in below average performance. Marking the moment when the pressure of my current standing in life began to feel real. A rude awakening of the sorts. There was now a need to put in the effort to complete assignments and study. All in order to pass and get to some place in life. Where that place was exactly, remained unknown. However, I knew slacking off was not how I was going to get there.

Since, I was a mediocre student throughout my career, scholarships for my higher-level education were out of the question. This scholastic ride was on my parent's dime and I was not doing a very good job. Though I am sure that they were happy to provide the opportunity. Under-preforming due to a lack of trying is not the best way to show gratitude. In addition, remaining employed as a fast-food clerk/cook at KFC or a janitor at the local grocery store was not part of my long-term life goals either.

I had been told been plenty of stories from my various shift managers which relayed things like: "Stay in school" or "keep good grades". At the time, those words never really resonated at the time. Even though I understood the meaning, I was not listening. Once my school performance started to dip, those messages began to have more impact. Everything was adding up, and I was in need of a change.

Actually applying myself

The next semester after this realization, gave me an opportunity to actually apply myself. Putting the time and effort into understanding the material and completing assignments, actually trying.

Thankfully, that semester ended with good marks and even a place onto the Dean's list. Looking back now, the thought of both putting the time and effort and still failing is a scary prospect. Knowing that no matter how hard I tried, not being able to succeed would be life crushing. If this was the case, most of the stories about to be told would have never happened. Knowing that I am fortunate enough to be able to apply myself and see results has been something I have taken for granted.

After the semester ended with good marks, something occurred that a bit unexpected. Making an honours list was an achievement that made both of my parents happy. In fact, I was rewarded with a laptop and a new school bag for this accomplishment. For all I knew, I was avoiding having a mediocre life. Being given material goods and attention was a pleasant experience.

This trend continued for the rest of my stay at community college. With time at university quickly moving into the scope. I was grateful that I eventually figured out what I wanted to study. I made the decision to do something with computers or related to computers.

At the time, my folks where still doing a fair amount of the "grown-up leg-work" for me. Meaning that my mother did all administrative work into getting me into university. While I am grateful that she did that (thanks Mom!), it also further postponed the need for me to own adult responsibilities.

That being said, going into this experience, I knew university was the real deal. The weight of not getting any scholarships or being a model student, started to feel really heavy.

To re-iterate, reflecting now as an adult, this was something that I should have not felt as bad as I should have. Yes, trying and getting a partial ride with scholarships would have been nice. However, my folks did not make out as a big deal. In fact, they never really said anything about it, or gave me a really hard time about it. Going to college was just something that was provided for me and am grateful for that.

This was the big leagues, not just the "extended high-school program" 2-year college felt like. I entered university with my newly forming work ethic and a desire to succeed. I was no longer working hard for material things or a high-paying job, but to make my parent's more proud of me (that and to not have to work for minimum wage the rest of my life).

University was a brand-new experience and it really stirred up the waters of my life. There was a need to responsible for myself, because I was flying solo for the first time. Also, there was the fact that I could not mess up my grades. The saying is: "Getting Good Grades, Sleep, and a Social Life, pick two." Well, I chose the first two, not that my social life was blooming to start off with. In turn, the first two semesters ended with high marks. Again, really grateful that I can apply time and effort can yield positive results. The cherry on top was, I enjoyed the major I was given.

Since this was university, I did not have summer classes like I did back in college. By the time the 3rd year of higher education strolled in I had the late realization of "I should get an internship." The technical folks at Dad's workplace were nice enough to take me in for the summer to learn. I even got paid for the experience!

During that time, I discovered a vast amount the vast of unknown topics. The entire summer was spent picking up new concepts that I have never even heard of before or was taught. I would like to think that I also did a good job in the process, because they let me come back over winter break and the next summer.

Though I did not know it at the start, but that summer previewed the beginning of something great. The current chapter in my life started to appear from behind the horizon (the one I am in as I write this).

The Point of Inflection

By this time, the past few years of actually applying myself got me hooked on performance. Being fulfilled is strong and very desirable feeling. Becoming great was driven by what felt like an insatiable appetite. By this time, I had already subconsciously knew that I needed to change who I was if I wanted to make up for my unremarkable past life. Therefore, I guess past me thought that part of that plan was to lose 140lbs (63kilos). There really was not a specific day or reason for the change. It just happened over time. Over the course of a year, I just barely ate enough food to get by. Learning first-hand that weight can be lost without exercising. Though the weight was lost, there was also a gain of a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which took me a solid 5 years afterwords to overcome. I went from:

• Eating until I was more than full, because I was hungry.
• Not eating anything enough.
• Overly high-strung food-prepper.
• Not caring because I know my body now and how it behaves (for the most part).

That is a story for another day, and I will leave it as such. The important point is that Fall 2013 became the precursor to the unknowing start of my "High-Octane" life chapter. At the end of the Summer 2014, I was a now skinny-fat 160lb (73kg). I changed myself enough to where I felt like I could actually work out. So Fall 2014, my last semester of university (the fifth one if you are counting), marked the start of my athletic phase. There was a singular goal, which was to be able to do one chin-up.

A chin-up is the variant of the body-weight pull-down exercise where the bar is gripped overhead with the palms facing towards your face and the elbows are pointed away from the body. It is the bicep-centric variant of this pull exercise. (The pull-up is the variant where the palms face outwards and the elbows travel into the sides of the body at the top of the motion).

Being obese growing up, it was something I was never able to do. There was a vivid memory of when I first started working out which was: "I wish I started sooner, that way everything (right now) would not be as difficult." Having a head start would have been nice, however everybody has to start somewhere. Instead, I had to pay down being sedentary, with a large amount of effort over time. Curling/holding any weight more than 12lbs was a struggle. Somehow, I expected to be able to hold onto and pull down 80lbs (36kg) with each hand. It took a solid 5 months of working out for me to be able to perform one chin-up.

The completion of the fall semester 2014 cemented how I wanted to (and am still) currently living my life. I was able to complete university with my head held high. In fact, I remember feeling super confident about my last test that I ever took at university. Not having to cram at the last minute like some my other classmates. I already spent the time and knew the material. That feeling of being in control and knowing I aced my last exam of my educational career is a savory memory. In addition, I was working out and be able to accomplish things I never thought possible.

Life satisfaction is amazing, and I yearned for more. That feeling of accomplishment and knowing that I can do anything if I have a purpose. It validated the past 3 years of hard labor to complete higher level education. I was hooked by then and now knew how the next significant portion of my life should be spent. The desire to know what I am fully capable of accomplishing drove that decision. An attempt to make up for the previous 7 years I never really tried at anything important.

Note, I do not count time when I was in 6th grade or younger. Nobody expects anything amazing from an 12-year-old.

I desired to see where my full potential lies. If I had run myself into the ground to get it, so be it. I would gladly pick myself back up and ask for more. Purposely seeking out difficult challenges to see how I measure up to my expectations. This meant I spent a fair amount time by myself. Gravitating to areas/challenges where others shy away from mostly because it is really uncomfortable. The experiences that I have put myself through deserve their own story and will be saved for a later article.

At the time of this writing it has been over 9 years since I realized that I can apply myself and succeed. While it has been 7 years since becoming a hyper-focused self-improvement zealot. About 4 of those I have dedicated to my career building ultramarathon.

Join me, as I share lessons learned from trying really hard to find my limits in hopes of reaching a semblance self-actualization.